nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

Today I had a breakthrough. This is a long story and I won't try to tell it all here today. I just wanted to mark this day as the day I was able to say the words our Lord said in Matthew 26: 39 "O my father, if it is possible let this cup pass from me; nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." I posted pictures of Our son. He was an answer to pray. I had two miscarriages and was afraid that I would not be able to have a second child. My daughter who I loved and was a joy to me was 8 years old, and I had a bad case of the baby blues. While still grieving the loss and recovering from a second miscarriage. I remember so well the day I lay on my face on the floor and cried out to God. It took so much to say to God that I would except His plan for my life. If He's plan did not include another child for me. I would expect with joy his plan. It was just like God to give me the Healthy baby boy the next year. He was our pride and joy. He walked at 8 months, was afraid of nothing and we had such hopes for his future.

It was six years ago in Feb. when he was 20 that Police came to our home and I cried out again to God. He was sentenane to two years in prison. And to this day when I say that I can't believe that it's true. For six years our hearts have been aching. And our hopes, that this nightmare will end are crushed. He chooses to life in a way that will not let us rest or breath. Today I had a breakthrough! Someway, only by God was I able to say not as I will, but as thou wilt. I feel ashamed that it took me 6 years. But so glad that God got me here. A place where my peace and joy isn't on hold until my son has changed. I will keep on praying for our son and I will keep waiting for the victory. But I will not let it keep me from living my life. I will trust God. Seek God, and keep my eyes on God. And rest from worry. Free to rest in the knowledge that Gods will is good.